One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
