Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
