cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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