Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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