I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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