pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
