'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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