Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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