This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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