Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
