I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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