Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
