Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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