You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
zippers are such a cool invention
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
