Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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