I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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