I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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