there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
