i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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