Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
