I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
