its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
