her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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