I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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