Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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