history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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