I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
