Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
