I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
