It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
