i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
