I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
