that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
