I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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