well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
