It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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