Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
