i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
