I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
