I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
