Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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