my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
