Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
