Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
