I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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