his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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