I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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