ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
