Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
