it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
