McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
